It's not that I'm a counterculture hipster or a bitter old man or anything. It's not even that I hate pink drinks, or girly drinks, or drinks made popular by television shows, particularly those set in New York and starring leggy fortysomethings who bitch about men and have Prada-induced orgasms all day. No, it's not about any of that. It's about how these things taste. And that taste is not a good one.

The Cosmo is one of the most popular cocktails of all time, easily the biggest drink sensation since the Margarita, and it has helped usher in the current cocktail Renaissance (bringing a sizable chunk of female drinkers into the cocktail enthusiast fold at the same time). It couldn't not be a hit, really - it's colorful, it comes in a pretty glass, it uses vodka - the most popular spirit in America and most of the world - and it was created in the midst of the mid-'80s trend towards classic drinks, particularly the Martini. Women wanted to be seen drinking Martinis, but the unique combo of gin and vermouth just isn't for everyone. The ladies needed a gateway cocktail. Enter the Cosmopolitan.

And exit stage left, please, because I just don't see the big whoop. On paper, it looks like it should work. Citrus vodka, okay. Flavored boring is better than regular boring, I guess. Cointreau, fine. A classic cocktail ingredient, rarely unwelcome in a shaker. Fresh lime juice, good. This is shaping up to be an okay tipple - a base spirit, a sweetener, and a sour. At least it follows a mostly fail-safe formula. And now a splash of cranberry juice, just to make it pink and pretty. Sure. Nothing wrong with a good-looking drink.

Shake it all up, add a lime wedge, and - BAM!

Ahem.

*Cough*

On second thought, maybe I'll just have a Sidecar.

I honestly don't know what it is, folks. Maybe the citrus vodka is overkill. Maybe the vodka itself doesn't have enough presence to stand up to the lime. Maybe I use too much Cointreau. Maybe the lime wedge pushes the whole thing over the edge into too-sour territory. But I've made at least four of these at home in the last few months, in pristine conditions, using excellent ingredients. And they're terrible. I had to resort to using Rose's sweetened lime cordial just to get through a glass, and even then, it was nothing to write home about.

Why are these so popular? Why have they been the hottest cocktail of the last 20 years? It can't just be the pink. And Carrie Bradshaw wore a whole lot of hideous getups that most real-life women had enough sense to avoid. So why the Cosmo phenomenon? Maybe that's why so many Cosmos these days are red instead of pink - more sweetened cranberry juice to break even with the lime.

At any rate, the Cosmo is an overhyped summer blockbuster of a cocktail. Drink them if you must, but ask yourself why. Do you really like them, or are you just going with the flow? And when you're done posing for the cameras with that adorable pink martini glass in your hand, toss it and order a straight-up Margarita. Your pride will thank you later.

This entry was posted by Darryl, on Tuesday, May 8, 2007. You can leave your response.