If you've been paying attention up to this point, you might have gathered that I'm not a huge fan of vodka. More to the point, I'm not a fan of the current vodka bonanza, wherein every spirit producer on the planet has felt the need to put their own spin on a liquor that by definition should be the plainest thing on the shelf. I don't want to spend $40 on a bottle of something that has only the slightest wisp of flavor by itself and loses all character as soon as a mixer is added. And call me old-fashioned, but booze should taste like booze, not rubbing alcohol.

However. I still purchase vodka by the fifth out of necessity for entertaining (read: girls and/or lightweight guys stopping by who want something a little more interesting than Corona with lime), and because to be honest, there are a few decent brands out there. Nice, even - vodkas that are smooth without being lightweight, strong but not overpowering, versatile but not a pushover. Again, nothing I want to spend over $25 on, but nothing that will leave me disappointed and reaching for the scotch, which is what I really wanted all along but figured I'd give the much-ballyhooed Stoli a try. (Verdict: Ehh.)

So here, for my own personal record as well as perhaps your own enjoyment or enlightenment if the vodka section of your liquor store is so daunting you don't know where to begin, is a list of the vodkas I've sampled in the last few months (or years, if I can still remember what they taste like), as well as some notes on each. I'll keep updating this entry as I sample more brands. Hopefully I'll finally stumble upon a vodka I can really get behind, but until then, barkeep, just make my Screwdriver with whatever the hell you want.

Absolut. Yeah, with the ads and the overexposure. But you know what? It's good stuff. It smells and feels like plain old vodka in the mouth, but there's a sweet, almost spicy hint toward the finish that's interesting enough to compel me to take another sip. And another. Smoother than Stoli but rougher than Skyy, with enough of a flavor profile to make it stand out from the pack. Absolut tends to finish near last in all the taste tests, but it's a solid choice for me. B+

Absolut Citron. Like the above, only with lemon flavoring. Decent lemon flavoring, too - you can taste the citrus zest, and it's not overly sweet at all. Citron seems tailor-made for Screwdrivers (and it works wonderfully), but it has other uses, too - throw a few splashes in tomato sauce or a fish marinade next time you cook. B

Finlandia. Their website is something hysterical (so much Flash, so little useful information), but they make decent vodka. Very smooth, especially straight out of the freezer (which is where vodka should be anyway). Inoffensive, highly mixable, but nothing remarkable. B

Iceberg. When Iceberg debuted, the Beverage Tasting Institute gave it a 94 out of 100, ranking it second in the world behind Grey Goose. That's some hefty praise for a Newfoundland-based vodka priced at $23 Canadian for a fifth, but it's well deserved. I can't believe how un-vodka this vodka is. The mouthfeel is literally creamy, there isn't a hint of that metallic, mineral bite characteristic of Russian vodkas, and the finish is sweet and fruity. I'm not sure how well Iceberg would mix compared to the more hearty brands, but right now it's the only vodka I'd ever even consider sipping on the rocks. A-

Polar Ice. Bland, but I like the bottle. B-

Skyy. Sexyy. This is the first vodka I remember buying, simply because of the blue bottle. I still buy it because of that (shut up), but it's also remarkably smooth, almost to a ridiculous degree. Chilled, this stuff goes down easier than Kahlua. Skyy works for certain drinks (anything sweet and mild), gets lost in the shuffle with others (anything requiring some oomph). That said, it's my #2 choice besides Iceberg. B+

Smirnoff. I'm tempted to say Smirnoff is underrated, given its bad rap among vodka snobs, but it's also kinda not. There's nothing special about it, but nothing terrible, either. Like Stoli, its flavor notes lean more toward the antiseptic than the fruity or floral, but overall there really isn't much flavor to take note of. If you want your vodka to get lost in the mixer, Smirnoff is for you. B-

Stolichnaya. Double Gold at the 2005 World Spirits competition, 91 points from the Beverage Tasting Institute, blah dee blah blah. I don't see it. If an alien were to visit Earth and, during a conversation about life on this planet, ask me what vodka tastes like, I'd hand him a glass of Stoli. It tastes like vodka. Rough, uncomplicated, mineral aftertaste. I'd use it in a Caesar, but any other time this stuff just seems to get in the way. C+

Stolichnaya Blueberi. Like regular Stoli, this has a strong, slightly bitter, rough taste, but with blueberry flavor thrown in. To Stoli's credit, this tastes like real blueberries, but it's too unsubtle to be sipped on its own. Mixed, this stuff is near brilliant, and suprisingly versatile. Try it with white cranberry juice, if you're into that kind of thing, lemonade, or Coke. B+

Okay, so this week has two cocktails, because Christmas is rapidly approaching and I've barely made so much as a dent in my shopping, I'm praying against all hope that my face won't break out days before I head out of town to my sister's Christmas get-together, and the bottle of Di Saronno I bought on a whim last week has turned out to be remarkably agreeable with just about anything I throw it in. Plus, the Alabama Slammer holds the coveted top spot on my list of favorite mixed drinks, so I figured I should make note of it at some point in this blog.

I love Southern Comfort to a point that's a tad unsettling. It's a strange brew - clearly going after a woodsy, whiskey-ish flavor, it also has a spicy, fruity taste that's hard to describe. There's some peach going on, some apricot, maybe nutmeg? Anyway, you'd think a liquor with such a relatively complex flavor profile wouldn't be particularly mixable, but au contraire. SoCo is nice, if a tad sweet, by itself, but it truly comes alive when mixed. That sounds like damning with faint praise, but what the hey. It's good with Coke, with orange juice, with ginger ale, with apple cider, with milk (seriously), with Rose's lime...the list goes on. And its signature drink is undoubtedly the Alabama Slammer, which also utilizes amaretto (another favorite of mine) and sloe gin, which has a nice berry flavor.

I don't know who came up with this recipe, which started life as a shooter, but I don't care. I'm never not in the mood for one.

Alabama Slammer
1.5 oz Southern Comfort
1.5 oz amaretto (Di Saronno)
1 oz sloe gin (McGuinness)
orange juice

Fill a highball glass with ice, add Southern Comfort, amaretto and sloe gin. Top with orange juice (and if desired, a squeeze of fresh lemon juice to cut the sweetness a bit). Stir and serve.


Feel free to adjust the above proportions according to your tastes - this drink doesn't have any devotists out there ready to scoff at your dabblings with the recipe.

The Godfather is about as close to my idea of the perfect cocktail as any I've come across. Two ingredients, simple measurements, no garnish, no equipment needed besides a stir stick, alcoholic but not overly so, sweet but not too sweet, masculine with a slightly feminine edge, and perfect for just about any occasion. This is my Martini.

Godfather
1 1/2 oz blended scotch (J&B)
3/4 oz amaretto (Di Saronno)

Combine in a rocks glass with a few cubes, stir.

I used J&B, but I imagine a more hearty blend like Chivas or Gordon Highlander's would work equally well. Just don't use single malt.

After a week on vacation in Houston, the last three days of which involved a blackout thanks to a mixup with my dad's electric company (sigh), and being greeted with a good three feet of snow upon my return to London today (double sigh), seeing Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" at the top of the charts put a grin on my face. I love that damn song, and for a while there it looked like it might stall at #2 thanks to that piece of shit by Akon (since he never specifies exactly what he'd like us to smack, I'll assume he means his face). Now I can sleep at night.

I can rarely explain why I like the music I do. When I try to apply logic, or critical analyses, or patterns or formulas to compare the seemingly random tunes sitting on my iPod, I just end up flummoxed. "Check On It" has a funky beat and a catchy melody, so by that logic I should like "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley, but I just...don't. (Partly because every radio station on the planet seemed to play the fucking thing every 10 minutes, and partly because Ceee-Lo's wailing drives me batshit, and partly because I hate critical hype of every flavor because the artist in question never, ever lives up and I wind up disappointed by default, but still.)

And now I'm at even more of a loss, because as it turns out, I genuinely like "Move Along" by the All-American Rejects. Yes, AAR, the mall punks for a new generation of angst-ridden teens. (My generation, of course, dined out on Sum-41 and Blink-182 before we grew up and moved on to greener pastures. Like, ahem, Coldplay. And the Killers.) I don't know if it's acceptance by submission (the song is on ALL THE TIME), or if I'm going soft in my old age, or what. But I likey. It's catchy, it's inoffensive, it has a good drum part in the bridge. And it's not a fluke - for the first time in years, I'm actually listening to pop radio on a semi-regular basis; like sometime between my 18th and 20th birthday, once all the bullshit of high school was over (and Ashanti was blessedly booted from the airwaves), I just stopped giving a shit about what was authentic and artistic and honest and let myself be moved by whatever spoke to me. If what spoke to me was "Hollaback Girl", which I had on repeat for a good month and a half, so be it. It's a refreshing paradigm shift, and I wholeheartedly recommend the adoption of the same freeing attitude to anyone still concerned about what music they "should" be listening to. You know who you are.

(That said, is it acceptable yet to seriously enjoy Justin Timberlake? Because I'm almost a little embarassed by the fact that "My Love" is at the top of my iTunes Most Played list. Almost.)