The Hills. God bless Rogers Cable for giving everyone a free preview of MTV Canada, because seriously? I can't stop watching this show. Cannot. Stop. I caught a few eps of Laguna Beach when I was in Houston, and the same thing happened - one minute I'm all, "This show is so fucking retarded", the next I'm yelling at Jason for being such a douche and Lauren for being such a bimbo. The only person I could stand was Kristin, mostly because she seemed to know exactly what she wanted and wasn't afraid of stepping on a few toes to get it - and by "a few toes" I mean Lauren and that other whiny one, the brunette. Jessica? Yeah, Jessica. Anyway, I'm catching more than just a slight wiff of scripted fakeness with
The Hills -
Laguna was apparently scripted too, but they did a better job of hiding it, I think. Everyone on
The Hills sounds like they're actually reading teleprompters, and the whole
Teen Vogue internship thing is such bullshit I could...ugh. And what the fuck is up with that Heidi chick? It's a job, honey, not an all-access pass to the hottest Hollywood hangouts. You have to work your way up to the cool gigs. Honestly, the work ethics of these people. But at least Heidi is a smidgen interesting, unlike Lauren, who...snooze. Way to base the spinoff around the most boring character in the original.
Ellen. I like Ellen, but her show is too cutesy by half. I can't stomach more than five minutes of it at a time, and then only if the guest is interesting and/or funny. I wish she'd do another standup special, because she's best when she cuts loose. And Lord, that announcer guy. Most annoying voiceover ever.
90210. Oh, FUCK yes. One of Canada's cable channels recently changed its name to "TVTropolis" and now they play all kinds of old shit, including
NewsRadio reruns (woo!) and this wonder of early-'90s awesomeness. Bad acting, worse writing, and fashion that's an affront to God, humanity, and puppies.
Montel. It seems to be on every damn channel, and every other episode has that Sylvia Browne psychic on. Hooray for ghost stories.
TBS. If it's not
Seinfeld, it's
Friends, and if it's not
Friends, it's
Family Guy, and if it's not
Family Guy, it's
Raymond. Either way, I'm happy.
Oprah. Whatever happened to those rainbow parties that were supposed to be some "national epidemic"? Fucking Oprah and her league of desperate housewives. On the plus side, she's doing the "Dreams Come True" shit again, which always makes me feel a bit warm and fuzzy.
Dr. Phil. AND ROBIN!!!! Fuck Robin. Fuck her right in the ear. And fuck that idiot mother-daughter combo who didn't know how to set boundaries with each other. Mom, get a life; Daughter, if mom won't get a life, MOVE OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD. This is not something you need a TV therapist to solve.
Gah, those two drove me batshit.
Cable access. Haven't we all thought at some point, "I could do that"? We could, too. And we'd probably look like we're having more fun.
MuchMusic Countdown. Is it just me, or are videos getting both weirder and dumber?
The Weather Channel. Because sometimes, you just need to know the air pressure of Zimbabwe.
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