Smells Like Teen Angst
Monday, May 31, 2004 by Darryl
I hate advice columns. It's not that I don't think they serve a purpose, or that people have no need for outside help when trying to solve problems. It's just that so much of the advice is moronic, especially when it comes to advice for teenagers.
I hate teen advice columns. They do serve a purpose, and teenagers most certainly do benefit from outside help when dealing with the sundry issues involved in day-to-day teenage life. But more often than not, the advice given is...well, lousy.
This week I happened upon Atoosa Rubenstein's syndicated teen advice column in The London Free Press. Rubenstein is the editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine, and maybe I should stop right here because it's pretty obvious where this is going. Seventeen is a stupid magazine. I can say that with authority because I've glanced over the covers, and that gives me all the info I need. "How To Dress Sexy So The Boys Will Like You!" "Your Top Ten Makeup Mistakes!" "The Best Ways To Hide Your Ugly Pimples and Flabby Hips!" Those weren't actual cover stories, but they weren't far off the mark. (Well, the makeup one was real, but I can't verify if that was Seventeen or some other rag in the same vein - I think it had Lindsey Lohan on the cover, so there's a starting point.)
What cheeses me most about these magazines is that the opinions therein are too often antiquated and hopelessly out-of-touch with how teenagers actually behave. But that's another rant for another column; for now, let's deal with Atoosa. I've read the woman's column before, and I remember walking away thinking the same thing: "What a bitter prude." This week only verified my opinion.
One girl wrote in saying that she really wants to attend a summer program in the city, necessitating her living there by herself for three weeks, and she wants her mother to agree to let her go. Rubenstein's advice is to "start planting seeds with your mom that this is an area you're interested in and serious about. During the next few weeks, talk about it. Not specifically about the program, but about your interest in fashion and different things you've learned about the field." (She used the fashion industry as an example, since the girl didn't specifically state what the program was about.) Then she goes on, saying that the more she talks with her mom about the fashion industry, the more her mom will start to believe that her daughter is really and truly interested in it and it's not just some phase. "So, do your homework, start planting the seeds and prepare for a mature conversation."
So instead of coming right out and telling her mother that this program would be great for her and she's really interested in it, Atoosa recommends subterfuge in order to pull her mom's heartstrings. "Planting the seeds"? Whatever. The homework point is a good one, as is the advice to stay focused and have mature conversations about it with her mother. But if the girl beats around the bush and tries to warp the situation to her advantage, it'll only complicate things. If she can't convince her mother that she's mature enough to handle living on her own in the city, and that the program is related to a field that she wants to eventually have a career in, dropping sly hints isn't going to help matters. If her mom suspects she's being manipulated, what will she think of her daughter?
And then we get to the letter from the girl who gets teased by her friends about still being a virgin at 16, and this makes her want to "give up her virginity". First of all, the girl needs to not be such a dishrag and a) ignore her friends' peer pressure or b) find better friends. To have sex is her own damn decision. Secondly, she's 16. Give the girl a break. But here's what Atoosa says:
"Oversharing information gives [your friends] the power to be judge and jury of your actions. (P.S. To not have sex is the more mature way to go. Stay true to yourself, sister.)"
So a girl who has sex is immature? Okay, then.
"Next time one of them makes a comment, just say, 'I don't judge you for your decisions, and I don't think you should judge me'. Or, if that's too serious for you, couch it in a joke: "Well, I sleep much more soundly knowing that I'm not pregnant and that I don't have any diseases. And you know how important it is to get your beauty sleep.'"
Bad advice! BAD! Can you imagine saying something so rude (not to mention inane) to one of your friends? "Oh yeah? Well, at least I'm not a slut! Nah nah nah!" Good fucking God. Rubenstein is right that the girl's decision to have sex should be hers and hers only, but it's as if she's secretly saying, "Don't have sex. If you have sex, you're a slut, and you'll stoop to your friends' level." And don't even get me started on that "beauty sleep" crap. Girls, do not talk to your friends like this. You will get slapped, hard, and you'll deserve it, because it's RUDE. Jesus.
We're living in different times. If a girl wants to have sex, for the love of all that is holy, LET HER HAVE SEX. She isn't a slut. She isn't a whore. She isn't easy. It's her decision, and she should do it whenever she wants to. If she wants to do it at 15, fine! If she wants to wait till she's 18, great! Whatever works for her should work for her friends and family, who don't necessarily need to know about it, anyway. (She just needs to use protection. If she doesn't, she's stupid. STUPID.)
This is why I think all these teen advice mags should burn to the ground. They're not with it. They don't understand that by subtly spitting on girls who have sex before marriage or before they turn 18 or whatever-the-fuck, they're only making the situation worse for other girls and women who are comfortable with their sexuality and want to enjoy the pleasures in life without punishment from their peers.
God, people suck.
I hate teen advice columns. They do serve a purpose, and teenagers most certainly do benefit from outside help when dealing with the sundry issues involved in day-to-day teenage life. But more often than not, the advice given is...well, lousy.
This week I happened upon Atoosa Rubenstein's syndicated teen advice column in The London Free Press. Rubenstein is the editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine, and maybe I should stop right here because it's pretty obvious where this is going. Seventeen is a stupid magazine. I can say that with authority because I've glanced over the covers, and that gives me all the info I need. "How To Dress Sexy So The Boys Will Like You!" "Your Top Ten Makeup Mistakes!" "The Best Ways To Hide Your Ugly Pimples and Flabby Hips!" Those weren't actual cover stories, but they weren't far off the mark. (Well, the makeup one was real, but I can't verify if that was Seventeen or some other rag in the same vein - I think it had Lindsey Lohan on the cover, so there's a starting point.)
What cheeses me most about these magazines is that the opinions therein are too often antiquated and hopelessly out-of-touch with how teenagers actually behave. But that's another rant for another column; for now, let's deal with Atoosa. I've read the woman's column before, and I remember walking away thinking the same thing: "What a bitter prude." This week only verified my opinion.
One girl wrote in saying that she really wants to attend a summer program in the city, necessitating her living there by herself for three weeks, and she wants her mother to agree to let her go. Rubenstein's advice is to "start planting seeds with your mom that this is an area you're interested in and serious about. During the next few weeks, talk about it. Not specifically about the program, but about your interest in fashion and different things you've learned about the field." (She used the fashion industry as an example, since the girl didn't specifically state what the program was about.) Then she goes on, saying that the more she talks with her mom about the fashion industry, the more her mom will start to believe that her daughter is really and truly interested in it and it's not just some phase. "So, do your homework, start planting the seeds and prepare for a mature conversation."
So instead of coming right out and telling her mother that this program would be great for her and she's really interested in it, Atoosa recommends subterfuge in order to pull her mom's heartstrings. "Planting the seeds"? Whatever. The homework point is a good one, as is the advice to stay focused and have mature conversations about it with her mother. But if the girl beats around the bush and tries to warp the situation to her advantage, it'll only complicate things. If she can't convince her mother that she's mature enough to handle living on her own in the city, and that the program is related to a field that she wants to eventually have a career in, dropping sly hints isn't going to help matters. If her mom suspects she's being manipulated, what will she think of her daughter?
And then we get to the letter from the girl who gets teased by her friends about still being a virgin at 16, and this makes her want to "give up her virginity". First of all, the girl needs to not be such a dishrag and a) ignore her friends' peer pressure or b) find better friends. To have sex is her own damn decision. Secondly, she's 16. Give the girl a break. But here's what Atoosa says:
"Oversharing information gives [your friends] the power to be judge and jury of your actions. (P.S. To not have sex is the more mature way to go. Stay true to yourself, sister.)"
So a girl who has sex is immature? Okay, then.
"Next time one of them makes a comment, just say, 'I don't judge you for your decisions, and I don't think you should judge me'. Or, if that's too serious for you, couch it in a joke: "Well, I sleep much more soundly knowing that I'm not pregnant and that I don't have any diseases. And you know how important it is to get your beauty sleep.'"
Bad advice! BAD! Can you imagine saying something so rude (not to mention inane) to one of your friends? "Oh yeah? Well, at least I'm not a slut! Nah nah nah!" Good fucking God. Rubenstein is right that the girl's decision to have sex should be hers and hers only, but it's as if she's secretly saying, "Don't have sex. If you have sex, you're a slut, and you'll stoop to your friends' level." And don't even get me started on that "beauty sleep" crap. Girls, do not talk to your friends like this. You will get slapped, hard, and you'll deserve it, because it's RUDE. Jesus.
We're living in different times. If a girl wants to have sex, for the love of all that is holy, LET HER HAVE SEX. She isn't a slut. She isn't a whore. She isn't easy. It's her decision, and she should do it whenever she wants to. If she wants to do it at 15, fine! If she wants to wait till she's 18, great! Whatever works for her should work for her friends and family, who don't necessarily need to know about it, anyway. (She just needs to use protection. If she doesn't, she's stupid. STUPID.)
This is why I think all these teen advice mags should burn to the ground. They're not with it. They don't understand that by subtly spitting on girls who have sex before marriage or before they turn 18 or whatever-the-fuck, they're only making the situation worse for other girls and women who are comfortable with their sexuality and want to enjoy the pleasures in life without punishment from their peers.
God, people suck.
| »
